Wine & Cheese – 13th Serving


Every week on Wednesday I  devote a blog to whining.  Despite being a really happy, positive person, I do have things that annoy me at times.  I never let anything grate on my nerves for long but thought it would be fun to vent them periodically in my blogs.

I also feel that good things, the cheese in life, should be acknowledged as well.

I’m even going to throw in a bit of dessert, a piece of virtual chocolate, something that made me laugh or smile  just a bit more than normal.

Sit back and join me now for the 13th serving of some wine and cheese!

WINE

Traffic Light Forfeiting

I swear every day I can see more and more reasons to ban cell phone use when driving.  Not just texting, as the city of Cincinnati has now passed an ordinance that bans texting/emailing while behind the wheel, but ANY use of cell phones while operating a motor vehicle.  Today when I headed out to pick up some lunch,  I was waiting for the light to turn left out of our office complex.  Turning left at this intersection requires waiting for the signal to give you the arrow, because someone deemed it too dangerous to make  that decision for oneself.  Likely due to idiots like the one I observed waiting to turn left INTO the complex.  Two cars were in that turn lane waiting on the arrow, and believe me this is a long wait, I have to endure it every morning.  I could balance my check  book during the wait and if you know me you know that takes a while.  When at last the signal changed the first car pulled away and turned into the office complex.  The  second car never moved.  I began to wonder if the driver had died at the wheel when I looked closer and could see he was so busy texting he did not realize the light had not only changed but that the car in front of him was gone.  I am not entirely certain he ever did realize he had sat through the long awaited opportunity because by the time I got the light to turn out he was still keying something into his phone, oblivious to the fact that he was one and a half car lengths from the stopping line and occupying the  turn  lane all alone now.  THAT is just plain ridiculous.  Anyone that absorbed in a text conversation should not  be driving.  Put the phone on silent and put it down and concentrate on driving the car.  And please, never, never, NEVER be in front of me at a light, or behind me while in motion, I don’t think you are safe.

What Not To Wear – Ever

If you are a man pay attention to this please.  Unless you work out on a regular basis and are muscular and solid, please do not wear wife beater shirts out in public and think you look hot.  Seriously if you have man dinners peaking through your shirt (man boobs), you have no business being seen in this shirt out in a public place.  And when you need suspenders to hold your pants up to go along with this shirt, then dear gawd go purchase a full length mirror and take a good look at yourself.  If you are over weight that is fine, but please, consider those of us that have to look at you when you use one of your dumb pick-up lines.  We do not find you attractive, you not a hunka hunka burning love.  You have bigger tits than an NFL cheerleader, cover that train wreck of a physique up please!!  I’d gouge out my eyes or pour bleach in them but the image is burned in my mind for life.  You won’t see my big butt in Daisy Dukes or spandex shorts, gain some fashion sense!

Sam Witches

No,  they are not a new Halloween treat, or decoration.  It is a total mispronunciation of the word sandwich.   S A N D W I C H.   Read it again,  S A N D W I C H.   Note that there is no ‘M’ in that word, sandwich.   It is is NOT pronounced ‘sam witch’, there is no such thing as a samwhich, samwitch, or samwich.  It is a SANDWICH.  The ‘D’ is not soft.  Say it with me, SAND,  and now this part, WICH.  It makes me flipping crazy when people order a samwich or tell me they made a ham and cheese samwich for lunch.   There is no such thing, even dictionary.com did not list it as slang.  One more time, try it, SANDWICH…..thank you.

CHEESE

Nothing is quite as nice as finding money you forgot you had.  In your jeans pocket, stashed behind your drivers license for a rainy day, or in my case opening your ashtray to figure out what is rattling around and discovering a nice handful of change!!!  Obviously I don’t use mine for ashes as I do not smoke.  I forgot that is the ex-hubby’s favorite place to dump change and the other day was trying to figure out what I was hearing in the car when I opened the ashtray and discovered about $2 in change. YA ME!!!

Recently I stumbled across a blog page that caught my eye, because they had developed a FUN way to shrink your jeans…by sizes. Shrinkvivor is like the show Survivor but online and for losing some weight. This is so cool and I cannot wait for it to begin tomorrow! My sister, a fellow blogger, decided to get in on it too. We’re in different tribes which adds to the competition and will make this much more fun!

And last but not least, sleeping with the windows open!  While Summer is by far my favorite time of year, because I HATE being cold, I have to admit that with the gradual change of seasons taking place it is SO nice to not only have the windows open and the air conditioning off, but I LOVE sleeping with the windows open.  On top of the nice breeze while I sleep, and the night sounds of crickets and tree frogs, my kitten is able to occupy herself when she isn’t sleepy by watching out the window, which beats her climbing on the night stand or dresser to pounce on me when I’m sleeping.

DESSERT

I have NO clue of the  origin, but this was too funny not to share.  Longer than the usual dessert I serve up but very enjoyable!

Amazing Grace

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man.  He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Eastern Oregon back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods,  I got lost and, being a typical man,  I didn’t stop for directions.   I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.  There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch.  I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.

I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place.  I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around.  I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this poor, homeless man.

And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep.  They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car.  Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that before and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

Apparently I’m still lost…

9 comments

  1. Sandwich, couldn’t agree more, but just one question, where
    do little “sammies” come from. Answer: Rachael Ray..

  2. I’ll find myself saying “sammich” on occasion, haha! I get where you are coming from though, I can’t stand will people constantly pronounce something incorrectly.

    ‘Amazing Grace’ was hilarious!!!

  3. HAHA Loved the septic tank story. I don’t want to have to point it out , but you have a typo and its not samwich!!! 🙂

  4. well….

    I either refer to it as a sandwich or a sammich, depending on my mood and what age group I am with……. lol

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