I Miss You…


….Or maybe not?

Yesterday on the ride and over lunch, Mr. Wonderful and I talked a lot about our past relationships.  He asked me a question, one of those deeper ones, about my ex-husband.  He asked me, aside from things like living in that house, being with my kids, on a personal level, what did I miss about Pete.  Not something that someone else could do (a body to sleep next too, hugs etc), but what specifically about Pete himself did I miss now that he is gone.  I had to think about it long and hard….and still came up with nothing.  Nothing at all.  My mom and I talked about it later, and she asked if I had been happy when I  was married.  I  thought I was, though now I suppose it was just contentment of sorts.

After drawing a blank, Stan asked me what I thought Pete missed about me.  Again…nothing.  I really don’t think there is anything personal and specific to me that he misses at all.

I find this rather sad really, that I cannot come up with one single thing that I miss about the man.  I can tell you several things I miss about others in my life.  If he would have asked what I miss about the last guy I dated most recently, I could have given several things about him I miss even though it was a short lived relationship. Had he asked what I missed when he (Stan) and I parted company before reformatting our relationship into a friendship, I could have given several things as well.  But not a single thing about the man I was married to, slept next too, raised children with and loved for 23 years.

I fell asleep contemplating it and still, this morning, and now this afternoon, I draw a complete blank.

A 22 year marriage ended 16 months ago, and I miss….nothing.