One of the things I have set, and specified in my profiles on the dating sites is that long distance relationships are OUT. I’m not relocating and frankly not into seeing someone as they pass through my area heading to their various sales territories, no matter how many times a week they happen to be here. Just screams of “married with a girl in every town” kinda guy, ya know? If you reside in or near Timbuktu, please don’t waste my time. It implies desperation and I’m betting your photo is hanging on the FBI’s 10 most wanted board. I’m thinking a date with you might have uncanny similarities to the opening 10 minutes of an episode of CSI.
So, when I receive a wink, flirt or email from anyone on the dating sites, the first thing I note is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Assuming it is a respectable distance (50 miles or less, though honestly prefer about 25 or less) I look further. Do I line up with the desired build, looks, age and other criteria. Can the poor bloke spell and string together a complete sentence? How much BS am I wading through (popular buzz phrases get nixed, I look for honest write ups).
I had a doozie this morning in my incoming mail.
Screen name indicated he had curiosity of epic proportions.
Location? Williamsburg, NY. Never heard of it but a little googling it is basically Brooklyn, NY. Yeah, that falls within my 50 mile radius. Seriously in a city the size of New York you cannot find a woman closer to home?
Next was his age, which says he is 52. Now if I had to guess, 32 is more like it. Seriously that or this one has discovered the fountain of youth and maybe I need to consider meeting for a drink some where close by, like perhaps Detroit?
His preferences for height in his ideal mate range from 3 foot to 5’7″.
Body type: athletic, slender, curvy, toned. Hmm….okay
Pretty much all his essay criteria are related to physical affection (I’m thinking Adult Friend Finder is more in line with his desires, but hey, trying not to judge!)
His age range of the ideal mate: seeking women 29-40
within 5 miles of Brooklyn, New York, United States
*scratching head, completely perplexed*
Yeah? Someone needs to help this epic curious dude understand that there is a lot of distance between me and Brooklyn….few hundred miles to be exact.
And 29-40 years old…um 48 is just a few years beyond that, beyond what one might even term ‘the gray area’.
Needless to say I sent a polite thanks, but really not interested in a long distance relationship. I decided not to bother bringing up all the obvious ‘no match’ areas of his and my profiles. His reply:
“Thank you so much for the mail, well i just want you to understand that distance does not have any thing to do with true love. “
True, it does not. But honesty might. Not to mention being REALISTIC.
*bangs head on desk*