The Dating Diaries ~ Dialoging With Chuck

Yesterday I posted a Q & A with a new reader, Chuck, a charming gentleman  who was seeking my marvelous advice as he was approaching a potential match via an online dating service.  While I have no real fortune telling expertise, I was able to communicate with some spirits (no not alcohol, it wasn’t Beer:Thirty yet) to assist him as he was preparing to ask out this Snap Dragon delicate flower that had captured his interest.

Last night (okay really dang early this morning) Chuck left another correspondence on my page, on that particular blog, that I feel I simply MUST reply too.

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You could not have provided more perfect insight into this woman’s availability, her first date preferences, and, most importantly, her willingness to go on a date with me. The stars were aligned as you predicted they would be. The out of commission crystal ball could not have been more fruitful. All Hail Marti without balls. But I digress…

I called her today for the first time and talked to her briefly. We quickly came to an agreement, as your suggestions hinted, to meet at a local venue during a time period you had suggested. That first call is always interesting. You never know what’s going to be on the other end… a southern drawl, jersey accent, valley girl, jive talk, or even worse, a WVU Mountaineer. You have to be ready for anything and be sure to point out nothing. Normally when calling and speaking to someone for the first time I simply state small, medium, or large, then toppings, and lastly crust type. But this call is different and an evening meal comparative is overly understated. This call could be the beginning of a significant life change. It holds untold opportunity. I won’t say my palms were sweating, but I do take the “first call” serious and given the gravity of it all, may have stammered more than once. As I recall, her voice was soft, contradicting the strength she projects in her online dating profile, however, she was decisive and her words were spoken with confidence. She had a happy, upbeat, and positive sounding voice. But the conversation did get a bit strange at times as sporadically her voice would change to what can only be described as a crying baby sound. I immediately started thinking about golf and bark collars, places that are quiet or things that make quiet… I certainly didn’t see that daydream coming right in the middle of this potentially life changing conversation. Any stammering may have been rooted in getting back to my original train of thought to ask this woman out and to firm up a place and time. The closing of the call was quite awkward also as she went full tilt into the crying baby voice again and I could tell from my view at the 7th tee that she was quite distracted. But all’s well that ends well and she and I are lined up…

At your pleasure, I may post from time to time to keep you updated on my progress.

Your grateful subject,



Dear, Sweet Chuck,

(Brings to mind Peppermint Patty, one of my favorites, talking to Charlie Brown. I’m totally cool like her but with blond hair)

I am flattered that I could be of assistance!

Ah yes, first calls can indeed be a tad intimidating.  Sounds like you must have liked her voice.  No doubt she was a bit nervous herself, worried you might think she sounded like Helga, the head warden at a woman’s prison.  Hopefully when you meet in person she doesn’t actually resemble Helga!  I am most certain that she found your voice quite pleasant, with a soothing quality about it.   I just have insider scoops like that, I’m Marvelous after all. (Actually I tried to ‘look into things’ via the spirits this morning but she was singing along with PINK, poor creature really never will be able to pursue a singing career…the sounds coming from her throat were like nails on a chalk board, couldn’t stay connected to her, it was too painful so I’ll have to just give my opinion today)

Hmm…yes those first calls can be the beginning of a significant life change.  Don’t down play the pizza call, honey, those can bring on significant life changes too, like clogged arteries, need for increased sizing in the rear cargo hold of one’s jeans, all sorts of dreadful side effects if one calls too often!  Hmm…thinking that a supreme with a well done thin crust is sounding really yummy right now *stops to dial 347-1111*.  Okay now where were we….oh yes…

My goodness,  she cried?  Perhaps it was tears of joy?  Fear?  Was she in pain?   Then again perhaps she cares for those little carpet critters, Crumb Crunchers of the diapered variety?  *bark collars? what kind of kinky soul are we dealing with here? Best not go there, we’re only a PG-13 rating on this page. ..intriguing though….NOTE TO SELF: Get back to this in another venue*

First dates, so nerve racking aren’t they?  Well at least you have the date, time and location nailed down.  No doubt she is equally relieved.  Then there is the “what to wear” dilemma, don’t want to over dress, but don’t wish to under dress either.  After all, no shoes, no shirt can and does apply to a first date as well.  But how much shirt?  For women it really is a tough time of decision making.  Shave the back or braid and bead the hair?  Show the tattoos of all the ex’s  names, or not?  What of the body piercings?  Will that freak him out and send him running?  Choosing between favorite fuzzy slippers, 8 inch stripper stilettos or combat boots.  It is SO difficult sometimes.  Though Helga, Marvi Marti is confident you will both chose wisely so as not to have to contend with possible wardrobe malfunctions or critical first impression misunderstandings. *2nd NOTE TO SELF: Tell Helga not to put that pink streak in her hair and keep the twins IN her shirt this time to avoid further arrests*

Well my dear Chuck, sounds like things are off to a good start in the right direction toward a possible train wreck of your life as you know it positively marvelous, significant change in life for you both!  Keep in touch,  darling!

Marvelously Yours,



  1. OMG I didn’t know this “dating stuff” was so damned complicated! It’s amazing the species pro creates in the 1st place! Should I stand or sit? brush BOTH upper and lower teeth? It seems to me if it’s that difficult and tense probably should be a clue she’s the wrong one in the first place (or you are). I believe in chemistry. ya click ya click ya don’t ya don’t.Designing the perfect 1st impression I feel is misleading. Seems like a job interview. People get perfectly groomed, polish their resume and smile sitting perfectly erect. It’s fake. When I interview potential employees or subs and they start down that path I cut them off. “Stop, tell me who you really are, what can you do well” How long do you have to keep up the facade before you start letting the other person see the “real” you peek out? The “resume date” isn’t real if you plan on changing later on It’s deception. what is wrong with showing up as you are who you are? just sayin.

  2. I have a first date story that I’d like to share. Testing a comment made previously on this blogger’s site, I was compelled to test the “Welcome Home” theory. My first date was walking into the appointed meeting place as I pulled up. Acting quickly, I beeped and waved. Well done me! She turned away from the door and started walking towards my car. My plan is working. I would much rather meet someone for the first time anonymously and away from others. There’s just something about meeting someone for the first time from a sitting position, a sitting in a restaurant or otherwise type of establishment that I’m uncomfortable with. As if one of us has been sitting there for a time alone has somehow drawn the attention of others. Hence, now our meeting is a show for the entertainment enjoyment of those already there and with someone! I’ve recognized those situations myself, and likewise take great interest in the opportunity to observe two strangers meeting. So… as I got out my car and walked towards her in the relative anonymity provided by the establishment’s parking lot/building front my immediate thoughts were of her hair, her smile, and her eyes. Wild arse hair, great smile, and beautifully gifted eyes. I’m not one to ogle, so I didn’t check to see if the smile on her face went all the way to her toes as was claimed previously on this blogger’s site. However, I did note later when she showed me her lower back tat, the smile went at least that far… but I digress as is my tendency to do. So back to my first meeting… As I approached, she smiled and held out her hand for the obligatory “shake”. I shook that off and went in for the ostensible “church hug”… after all, it was Sunday and no one refuses a church hug on Sunday. It has been my experience that “hello hugs”, while not necessarily taboo are generally not part of a “meeting you for the first time” greeting… at least in the virtual dating world. But that may have something to do with the virtual vs. actual touching thing where touching another person may absolutely ruin a good virtual experience. The hug was a bit awkward at first… I believe each of us had one arm up and one arm down but other than that, all I will say is that I was able to move my hands up and down her back a few times while contemplating the question, “do I feel ‘Welcome Home’?” Note I had driven an hour to get there and had just recently navigated a hairpin turn on a steep hill the likes of which have probably failed many an Oak Hills High School student driver. I won’t even mention the bus transfers, losing my luggage at the train station, and being pawed by the TSA lady I match dated once a few years back. Nonetheless, I knew for certain I was deep in the Westside… Like Charlie Sheen in Apocalypse Now, a near drop off from civilization… I think I smelled Indiana. Again, back to “the hug” and the end of this story… what I felt is what I wanted to feel, and that was to be comfortable and comforted. That may sound strange but believe me it was exactly where I was at today. Maybe “Welcome Home” only happens at home… and I’m definitely okay with that concept. I also want to make one last point before going to bed (good thing I took a nap today… it will help at work tomorrow). She talks fast, upbeat, and with excitement… a conversational pace and style very similar to my own. Actually, even my use of the “ellipsis” or “…” in writing is simply a reflection of a conversational style of both wanting to provide further detail on a subject yet move on all at the same time (ADA, multitasking, call it what you will). But in general, the “…” notes that more was said or done in that interval and there may be more to come… which in case you’ve not been reading there is yet more to come…

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