I hadn’t been through the door in over a year. I wasn’t really sure how I would feel as I entered there. Earlier in the day I dropped off some things needed for later that day, but I was in a hurry, and had a helper with me. I really didn’t have time to think or feel…
But later, when I returned, the circumstances were different. ..
Once upon a time it was a haven, a nest, a safe place that made me feel loved and secure. The furnishings and atmosphere were warm and inviting, nothing fancy, but it was HOME.
But now it was different.
While I could hear the echos of the past within the walls, the present drove them back.
Nothing felt cozy and welcoming.
The furnishings are different, and while some of the occupants are the same, there are others now, the place just felt unfamiliar.
I don’t know what I expected to feel, but there was nothing friendly, inviting, or secure in what I sensed in the atmosphere. In fact, it felt rather empty and hollow, even rather negative at times. But mostly just empty.
There were times, around various individuals, I felt judgment and coldness despite the smiles and hugs, it was somewhat suffocating.
Other times a warm, missed, loved, and longed for… But mostly I just felt completely out of place.
I felt very out of place…
As memories of the past crept in from time to time, I began to wonder…
did I ever really belong there….