I follow The Single Woman and that is where I was inspired to come up with this year ending purging from my life. The first post (Life’s Changing Landscape: Shelving 2011) covers the how/why, the rest will be the 31 things I am shelving from 2011 that will not go with me into the new year, the full list of posts pertaining to what I’m purging can be found here: Shelving 2011.
As my lucky number is 13, this had to wait for a different number. I also had to hold to see if there was to be any change in things. I texted Steve, aka – The Count, last night before I went to sleep. I asked if in fact I am to assume it is finished. Nothing. 12 hours have passed, I know he got up and went to work so he saw it on his phone. Nothing. I did my crying myself to sleep (thank you Anew eye cream for hiding the puffy eyes in the mornings), and I’m done. I cannot change what is and after re-reading my Pros and Cons post I realize that just because I love the man, it isn’t enough to stick around and hope to be thrown a crumb now and then. It takes more than love to keep a relationship going, and he either can’t, won’t, or doesn’t want too.
While it was, in my opinion just a break down in communication, and was over something so small and ridiculous as a Facebook post that offended him, that is a symptom of the bigger issue. The issue is that evidentially his feelings for me were not strong enough to be committed at the level mine were. I cannot fault him for that. It is either there or it isn’t. I won’t chase anyone, if their love isn’t freely given without condition, then it isn’t really love and it certainly isn’t worth having. There are entirely too many men out there more than willing to love me, unconditionally, that have made it very well known they are smitten.
I won’t box up the little gifts, those are special and hold special memories of good times together. There are no hard feelings on my part, just a very large crack in my heart. It will heal. I’m just thankful that it only took 5 months and not 5 years to come to this, when my heart would have been more deeply rooted in him, making the break even more difficult.
The Count – boxed and being left behind in 2011.