I am SINGLE.
I love ME.
I am not looking for a relationship.
In fact, I’m looking to avoid a relationship at this point.
2012 – my year of JOY. And part of that joy is going to be in being single.
One thing I learned after my divorce in 2010, I had lost me in the 22 years of being married. We ALL do this in relationships. HOSSO (he or she significant other) doesn’t like our nails with color on, so we get those nails done in a French manicure all of the time. Those cute little airbrushed designs on the nails? Nope. Tattoos, what you have is what you get, HOSSO doesn’t want you to get anymore, or maybe doesn’t care for your choice of designs so you don’t get the desired ink. Feel there are situations where using the word FUCK is appropriate (outside of the bedroom)? HOSSO doesn’t like that word so you just don’t use it.
These are minor things really but over time we all make changes, burying parts of ourselves to please our HOSSO. I looked in the mirror at the end of the marriage, after moving out, and realized the person looking back at me was a complete stranger. Oh she looked familiar, but I didn’t really know her anymore. I had buried so much of myself that I was a screwed up mix of a person that looked like I had melted in the kiln, I wasn’t recognizable any longer. Heck maybe that is why the marriage didn’t work out after 22 years, I kept trying to adapt to my HOSSO’s specifications instead of standing up and being ME from day one.
In peeling back those layers to find the real me underneath, I’ve learned a LOT. Baggage is not a bad thing. We all have baggage we drag through life. You know what? I opened mine up and took a long hard look. I even went as far as to pull out some of the items and put them back ON. See, every experience in life is in those suitcases we pull along with us. It is who we are and it is not a bad thing to have baggage. If we dumped it all, then all that is left is the empty shell of the vessel that is us. The canvas would be white and blank and BORING! I don’t want to be dull, I want to be ME. And ME is in all of that baggage.
I’ve decided that in order to really free myself from any remaining layers piled on me, I need to take a year to just enjoy being Marti. Marvelous, wacky, destined for old maid/crazy cat lady status, MARTI. For 2012 I do not want a relationship. I want to enjoy being just me. Not Marti & ______ (fill in the blank with whatever male counter part name). I want to embrace being the odd woman out, the 5th wheel. I have plenty of male friends I can go hang with for a football game, a beer, dinner or whatever. But I do NOT want to date anyone, I don’t want to be known as anyone’s woman, girlfriend, or significant other. Being single is my CHOICE. I can have a relationship, long term if I so chose. But my choice for now is to just be single, sassy, marvelous ME!
I’m going to start a new category and page on my blog, Sassy & Solo – reasons why being single ROCKS.
The Marvelously Sassy One! yes that will be my new, crazy cat lady name. 🙂