Last night in my most recent therapy session we discussed all those painful, life changing events we had covered the previous week. Since that evening I had remembered even more, and even my counselor was a bit surprised at just how much I’ve been through and yet never found myself in a state of serious depression. She commented that she senses that I am a rather resilient person. As we talked about these things and how I’ve handled my mom’s death, there were a lot of take aways for me.
- I don’t grow attached to my losses. While I do embrace the emotions and allow myself to feel my pain and loss, sometimes to a high degree (like my divorce), I move past and don’t cling to those things, or use them as a crutch.
- When bad things have happened, I don’t see the glass as half empty but rather half full. I search for the lessons and the silver linings in the storm clouds that cross my path of life. Does it suck getting ‘rained’ on? Sure, but you can also get burned by too much time in the sun! Everything in moderation. A life without dark clouds and storms leaves one with an inability to cope with the inevitability that sooner or later there is going to be a grand loss, a painful time. Throughout my life I’ve learned to adapt, so that while this is by far the most painful of my emotional sufferings, I’m not mentally crumbling under the weight.
- Each time something bad happened I grew across every level. Some were slower than others, but there was always growth. I truly would not change anything I’ve been through, because while I may not have handled them all perfectly, each instance has made me a better person over time.
- This too shall pass, the bible says. That isn’t reserved for just the bad events. Everything, good, bad, mediocre, it will all pass and change. We may not like change but it will happen. Mom used to say “the landscape of your life is constantly changing, a year from now things will look very different” and that is SO true. No matter how bad things get, it will get better. No matter how good things are now, those things will change over time and pass away as memories. We are not stagnant, life doesn’t stand still. We have to ride the waves, the ebb and flow.
This past week was the best since mom passed away. Few tears, and all good ones as a memory would pass through my heart, but nothing that left me unhappy or paralyzed. My joy in crocheting and reading returned, two things I LOVE to do. I made time for me in the hustle of my life and it has been a good thing. I’ve pulled up the stakes of my ‘tent’ and moved down the path. No pouring a foundation here, that is reserved for Heaven, my true home. Allowing myself the time to grieve and mourn is acceptable. And I know I’ll never not hurt when I think of the loss of the greatest woman I’ve ever known. But life will go on, and I am ready to continue making my own legacy and hopefully will be remembered by others like mom, for touching lives with care, empathy, compassion and love.